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Help Yourself
I recently finished a great book called
Refrigerator
Rights, and highly suggest you read it. No, it
isn't the newest diet fad, or a guide to buying
kitchen appliances. I know most of us have an ever-increasing
list of books that we're going to read, someday,
so I'll just give you the jist: Written by a stand-up
comedian turned minister turned therapist, Dr.
Will Miller says that humans thrive on intimate
relationships - the kind of friendships where folks can
grab a soda out of each other's refrigerators without
asking permission or feeling weird about it.
Who's allowed in your fridge?
I ask because it seems like my group of fridge friends
has lessened somewhat since college. Time and distance
have changed things. And that's unfortunate. I want friends
who I don't have to try so hard with, ones who can plop
on my couch and be happy watching a rerun of Back
to the Future. on TBS.
We don't even have to talk. Just knowing they're there
and that they care is good enough.
Dr. Miller proposes that today's Americans are increasingly
lonely and depressed due to a lack of refrigerator rights
relationships. He asserts that we miss out on these types
of relationships for two reasons. First, he charges the
growing trend of mobility. Nearly one-third of Americans
in our age bracket move every year. That's a lot! Because
of our propensity to move around, we often limit our chances
of becoming part of a true community. I've experienced
this first-hand. I've avoided joining clubs because I
knew I'd soon be moving and would likely be forced to
cut my membership short. Likewise, I've neglected to nurture
certain relationships. The thought of building them up
only to watch them disappear seemed too upsetting. Why
bother?
Our infatuation with media is the other culprit holding
our refrigerator relationships in check, according to
Dr. Miller. Instead of growing our social circles, we
opt instead for a pseudo-social life - achieved through
the radio, TV, and the Internet. During our morning drive
we laugh along with our deejay comrades. We think we're
part of their gang. When we get home from work we sit
staring blankly at the tube. Our lives our enmeshed with
TV personalities. We feel a connection with contestants
on American
Idol and vote for them compulsively. I have a
friend who became so involved with the LOST
series, he regularly logged into a forum
to share episode insights, speculations and reactions
with other viewers. The show became an all-encompassing
part of his life. You may say this is pathetic.
But I'll bet you're thinking, "So? I do that, too."
Face it. Our culture is collectively moving toward isolation.
Whether or not you agree with Dr. Miller's arguments,
his theory is interesting to think about. Are you missing
the deep friendships that came so easily in college? Is
the e-mail correspondence you keep with your fraternity
brothers enough to sustain you? Make the decision now
to build and maintain a network of meaningful friendships
that honor refrigerator rights. Open the door to opportunity.
Community doesn't just happen. In our 30 minute
commute culture, it takes time and intentional effort.
Invite others into your refrigerator. A heapin'
helping of friends awaits! |
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